Hate crime against minorities increased in 2021 but the media remained silent. This year started with more hatred, but against it, voices were raised across the country. Having been the target of a campaign to hate minorities and women, I can’t stop myself from wondering, is there any hope left?
in a psychiatrist’s office
January 8, 2022
I had been neglecting to come to this place for months. However, on the eighth day of the new year, I was waiting outside his office to meet the psychiatrist. The time of my appointment was 12.30 o’clock but I reached forty-five minutes earlier.
Until now, the opening days of the new year had passed in and out of police stations and lawyers’ chambers, and now I was at the psychiatrist’s.
While waiting for my turn to come, I thought about the past week. My online ‘bidding’ was done, about which I came to know about it as soon as I opened my eyes on the first morning of the new year.
I repeated the same story over and over for the next few days; On news channels, web portals, newspapers, well wishers and friends.
‘I had an online auction. Yes, I am a Muslim woman, a journalist, who has written many stories criticizing the party running the country. my reports the wire can be read on. Yes, on the morning of January 1, 2022, when I could not even get out of my bed, I came to know about this.
Eventually the psychiatrist called me.
Then I repeated my ordeal. So far I have become adept at it.
However, this time I told a lot more, and could not hold back my tears while saying that.
§
police station
January 2, 2022
As a reporter, I have gone to many police stations. I have seen court hearings and have gone everywhere to meet lawyers.
But at this time I have not come to the police station to get any information for any news. I am here in connection with the complaint that I have filed against the builders of the ‘Bully Bye’ app. The same app through which ‘bidding’ of Muslim women of the country was done.
One day after coming in front of this app, I am in Govindpuri police station. Taking a copy of the FIR, I climbed into a lift, which was a bit bigger than a normal lift.
As the lift started going down, I started thinking. Will the culprits be caught? Will any action be taken against them?
But now I have lodged an FIR. Now it is not possible to pull the step back.
As soon as the lift stopped and there was a signal to open the doors, I had made up my mind. There is no other way but to move forward.
§
House
January 6, 2022
Many days have passed since this incident but I have not talked to my parents about it. Yes, that day I had sent a copy of the complaint given to the police to my father on WhatsApp.
Since then all I have told them is that I will have to go to the police station and the lawyers’ offices and they have not questioned about it.
Those people are keeping an eye on everything that comes on TV about this and whenever a suspect is caught, they tell me.
I feel that I have underestimated the ability of my parents to understand and support me.
To what extent this incident affected him, I came to know that day when someone sent an unnamed bouquet of flowers to our house. These purple colored flowers were very beautiful.
When these flowers came, my mother took them and did not let me touch them until she investigated each flower, branch and leaf to see if there was any mic or camera hidden in it.
A friend must have sent these flowers in good faith, ‘Poor one! That man,’ I thought to myself.
I still don’t know who sent them. But whoever sent them, I want to say thank you. Due to this, the way of conversation opened between me and my parents regarding Bully Bai, which probably happened for the first time.
§
court hearing
January 14, 2022
I got a phone call from a police inspector who informed me about the hearing of the bail application of 21-year-old Neeraj Bishnoi, the main accused in my case.
He said, ‘The hearing has started. Join soon.
Will Bishnoi get bail? Or will the hope that has arisen in my mind due to the arrest of many people in the case, will it continue?
I called my lawyer. He told that he is on the road. We were not informed about this hearing in advance and due to this we did not get time to prepare for our cross-examination against Bishnoi’s release.
I joined this online hearing as soon as I talked to my lawyer. After some time he also joined. I was surprised that he found a quiet place so quickly to attend the hearing.
One of the arguments given by the counsel for the accused while seeking bail struck me like an arrow, that Bishnoi is an ’emerging talent’.
Bishnoi is 21 years old and he is studying engineering. His lawyer claimed that his family’s “reputation is at stake” because of his arrest.
On this my lawyer Sarim Naved immediately said that the age of the complainant is also 23 years.
A few hours later, I got a message that Bishnoi’s bail application was rejected.
The court’s order read at one place, “Facts show that the accused created an app where women journalists, celebrities of a particular community, social media celebrities were unfairly targeted with the intention of humiliating and humiliating them.” .’
§
at a friend’s house
December 31, 2021
This is the last day of 2021. Me and my friends are talking about COVID-19, Anti-CAA protests, Delhi riots in February 2020. Just the same general conversation.
My friend’s house is on the upper floor. Only the night lights are visible from the window – the lights of buildings and pillars.
While sitting with my friends, I suddenly felt that I was looking for hope. I ask my friends to tell me one thing that they learned this year.
I felt old when I started this talk, but I was happy to hear the answers of my friends.
A friend, who had lost a close cousin this year, referred to a verse from the Quran, which, if you take it, would mean: Every soul must taste death.
Another young friend, who has completed his graduation, talks about the power of Sambhavna and how he has built a library in a village in Uttar Pradesh after all his efforts.
One of them said, ‘Everything happens.’
One can hardly ignore the despair hidden in each tired voice.
Soon it was my turn. I told how this year as a journalist taught me a lot. I wrote reports on issues related to COVID-19, farmers’ problems, growing hate crime against Muslims, gender and politics.
As a reporter, I went to Uttar Pradesh several times to know more about the state I have been writing about for two years.
But 2021 was also the year when an FIR was registered against me in January for a report related to the farmers’ movement.
Hate crimes against minorities increased and the media remained silent.
Am I the idiot who is trying to keep hope in such times?
§
House
January 16, 2022
I am preparing my notes for the upcoming elections in Uttar Pradesh, when I re-read a message that I had left the first time with just a quick glance.
It came on 3rd and was sent by a young girl who was targeted through the bully by app.
This girl, who was shocked by this accident, does not know how to react to it. In the message to me, he wrote, ‘I have got hope to see you handle all this with such courage.’
Suddenly I remembered a very important thing. This is a common fight.
But will this struggle reach its rightful place? Will we get justice? But what is the point of justice?
A few days ago I was battling with COVID-19. As the UP elections are approaching, I want to start my reporting.
In my reporting of sexual harassment and rape, especially in the case of a Dalit girl in Hathras, I have seen how the system tries to prevent justice.
I return to my notes again. I will have to remove such thoughts from my mind for some time. I promise to myself in my heart: ‘After all, somewhere there has been a beginning.’
(Click here to read in English.)
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